Cancelling my Whole 30

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So back in July I was doing the Whole30 challenge in an effort to find out what was causing me so many health problems at the time. On July19th  I cancelled my Whole30 challenge.

With 11 days still remaining.

And I refuse to call it ‘quitting’.

And yes, it’s now September and I’m only just telling the world why I cancelled it. But, in my defence, it’s pretty personal. I know people I work with could be reading this so yeah. Took me a while to decide that actually, it’s OK to admit that hey! We’re not all what general society classes as “normal”.

So, back to the cancelling… the thing was, I wasn’t too irritable – a few times I was madly craving a Questbar, or a glass of Pimms and Lemonade, but otherwise I was OK. I had dropped my fruit squash habit, was starting to starve my sugar dragon of even natural sugars, like fruit because they I discovered it was a “no breaks” food for me. I thought it was quite liberating. I was looking forward to the end of the 30 days, but I wasn’t wishing for time to speed up or longingly looking at my fiances chocolates (okay,  was once!)

Well, I thought I thought it was liberating. Until I realised that I didn’t. Now, that doesn’t make any sense, I know.  I can hear your confusion, from the future (for me) and far away, as I write this.

The part of my brain that struggles to act normally around food and drink really liked the rules. I also call it the ‘stupid’ part of my brain. It’s what stops me from ordering pizza, eating chocolate or going to Five Guys. I don’t buy tubs of ice-cream or eat avocados willy-nilly. Cream is a no-no and so are cakes, especially if they’re not made by me or a store that can provide nutritional information for it.

“Stupid” doesn’t care about health, it just cares about Control. And Calories.

“Stupid” was borne from, originally, what was praised by many – my diet, my exercise regime and food tracking – but what because an unhealthy obsession with food, exercise addiction and what I like to call, Chronic MyFitnessPal Addiction (CMA).

I realised, quite abrubtly will sat on the sofa with my fiance, that “Stupid Brain” loved the restrictions doing the Whole30 allowed. No dairy. No grains. No legumes. No sugar. No sweeteners. The list goes on. All the supposedly “scary” things about food that it loved, I was now “forbidding” myself from eating in a socially accepted format!

One – not the point of the Whole30. Two – not the point at all.

And to top it off, where “Stupid Brain” had been slowly getting tackled down to a smaller scare prior to my getting sick, now I was sicker than ever, and it was getting more dominant. So, just like that I said no. My mind and my body need health – from the inside out. So if that means that occasionally I want a chocolate bar? That’s OK. If I want apples, that’s OK. If I want chickpeas: that’s OK. I hanker for crumpets? Go and get crumpets, the gluten might make me a bit ill, but not forever. Enjoy the crumpets!

So yes. I didn’t finish my first attempt at the Whole30. I am not a ‘Whole 30’ alumni, and that kinda bums out the competitive part of me. But the rest of me is kinda proud that I took control back long enough to draw a line in the sand and say no to my unhealthy thoughts and start the process of healing from the inside out, properly.

 

The Final Measurements

  • Weight: 97.4lbs (-3 lbs)
  • Waist (navel): 65.5cm (-1cm)
  • Hips: 77.5cm (-1cm)
  • Upper thighs: 42cm (L), 42m (R) (-3.5cm)
  • Upper arms: 23cm (L), 23cm (R) (-0.5cm, -1cm)

One thought on “Cancelling my Whole 30

  1. I think actually being able to recognise that the restrictive nature of whole30 was causing you problems and ending it there and then, rather than dragging it out and ending up ‘further down the rabbit hole’ (so to speak) is a bigger achievement than completing the whole30 will ever be. It takes a lot of guts to speak up about it too – well done you x

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